Starting Over....

The days that have gone  by
teaching me some wonderful lessons
how can I be bitter about them
I just have to start over...

People come and go from your life
some leave lasting impressions
but you cant hold on to them
you just have to start over...

You cant keep grudges and be jealous
forgive them and yourself
see a glow of happiness in you
just try starting over

Pick up the pieces and move on
nothing lasts forever & thats the real gyaan
your life is in your hands
you just have to start over...

- 30 Apr 2012

Its weird..

Its weird how u feel lonely when surrounded by a crowd
..how the only person who can make u smile has made u cry
..how u can forgive that one person even wen they dont deserve it
..how u feel u hate someone but cant stop thinking about them
..how u carry on with ur life wen u'd rather run away
..how a fake smile can make people believe that all is well
..how u r ready to believe n trust that one person even after being lied too
..how u know wen someones exploits u emotionally n u still let them to
..how twisted the world can be
..how we get used to all this weirdness and still carry on with life
Its weird...just simply weird

- Mayura (4 Mar 12)

I read this article and thought I'd share :)

DEVDUTT PATTANAIK brings alive the deeply evocative and eternal love stories of Kali and Shiva, Radha and Krishna on the eve of Valentine’s Day.

Tantrik mystic traditions of Bengal speak of the goddess Kali, often addressed as Tara, as Krishna, locally known as Keshto. Both share the dark-complexion, shyam-ranga, and their partners, Shiva for Kali, and Radha for Krishna, are fair as camphor, karpura-gaur. The stories that connect these two very distinct traditions — the blood sacrifice demanding Tantrik tradition of Kali and the vegetarian Brahmanical Vaishnava tradition of Krishna — come through in phrases and couplets that make up some of the songs of Baul minstrels and even kitchen tales. The overriding emotion in these stories is one of love, pure love, that transcends the demands and limitations imposed by customs and law.

Shiva And Shakti

They say that Shiva never spoke a single word until Shakti came into his life as Parvati. She became not only his wife, but also his student, asking questions, discussing and deliberating with him, till he revealed the mysteries of life. So, one day, she asked him, “What is love?” All he did then was look at her and smile. “Tell me, please, what is love?” she asked, turning away to hide her blush. This is what he said: “When you come to me as Annapoorna, the goddess of food, and feed me and ask for nothing in return, I feel love, for you have taken care of my hunger unconditionally. When you come to me as Kamakhya, the goddess of pleasure, and hold me intimately as no one does, I feel love, for you have made me the object of your desire. This is bhog. This is one kind of love. But there is another kind of love.

“When you come to me as Gauri, demure and delicate, and allow me to dominate you, demand things of you, take you for granted, knowing full well that you cannot be dominated by anyone, I feel love. You made me play dice, laugh at the simple pleasure of games. You made me make you dolls and enjoy entertaining you. When you come to me as Durga, bearing weapons in your hand, and protect me, I feel secure and safe, and cared for, I also feel love. This is shakti, this is power. By granting me power over you, by defending me, protecting me, empowering me, you make me feel loved. This is the second kind of love. But there is yet another kind of love.

“When you dance atop me as Kali, naked with hair unbound, unafraid to be yourself, unafraid to be powerful and vulnerable and unafraid of being judged and mocked, I feel love. You make me open my eyes. I realise Lalita, the beautiful one, who is also Bhairavi, the fearsome one. I realise Mangala, the auspicious one, is also Chandika, the violent one. I see you totally, without judgement, and I realise I am capable of seeing the truth. That you allow me to see you fully, without judgement, tells me that I have become trustworthy. Thus you become the mirror, the Parvati darpan, that reflects who I am. You help me discover myself. You become my Saraswati. You reveal the true meaning of darshan. In joy, I dance. I become Nataraja.”

Meaning Of Love

Shiva continues: “So, there are three kinds of love: love for the body that grants satisfaction, love for the heart that grants security and love for the head that grants wisdom. Animals can give the first and the second, only humans can give the third because they have the third eye hidden within. The first two spring from Kama, god of desire, and sustain life on earth. But the third kind of love springs from Kamantaka, from the destruction of desire, unmotivated by fear of death.”

Shakti smiled and she offered Shiva a boon for this wonderful answer. And he said, “As Shyama, the dark goddess, who is Kali and Shakti, you have taught me love. You have danced atop me, forced me to open my eyes, turn from shava (corpse) to Shiva. Grant me the chance to do the same to you.” So the Goddess asked Shiva to descend on earth as the fair Radha whose love and pining would make her appear as the dark-one, Krishna.

And it is Radha who taught Krishna the meaning of love as Shakti had once taught Shiva. He was — until he met her — a butter-loving cowherd who fought demons and teased milkmaids, but Radha’s presence changed everything. Just as Kali transformed Shiva into Nataraja, Radha made Krishna take up the flute and make music.

The Crucial Difference

Just as Kali had made Shiva give up his autonomy and understand the value of the not-so-autonomous other, the pining beloved, Radha helped Krishna understand the limitations of society, the struggle between faith in divinity and fidelity for the husband. Radha was demanding, as Kali once had been. Radha sat on Krishna as Kali stood on Shiva. The two thus mingled and merged in roles and thoughts and feelings. But there was one crucial difference.

Kali had made the wandering hermit, Shiva, into a rooted hermit, Shankara. Radha did the opposite. She remained a flower stuck to the branch of a tree while Krishna became the bee that moves on after getting enriched with nectar. And so fulfilled by Radha’s love, Krishna left Madhuban for Mathura. Kali had revealed love through shringara, romance, as only Krishna can. Radha revealed love through vairagya, renunciation, as only Shiva can.

Link to the original article: http://www.speakingtree.in/spiritual-articles/faith-and-rituals/kali-as-krishna




What is selfless love? How do you describe it? A situation where you just love and don't expect absolutely anything in return. Can such selfless love exist in reality? Don't you ever expect even 0.1% in return when you give so much? I think everyone does, maybe some just don't acknowledge it and if someone actually doesn't expect, then they definitely can be called Saints! It can be safe to assume that I am not talking bout love between a mother & child - that IS selfless!

A innocent statement by someone triggered this cascade of emotions in me and I have started writing this. I am the sort of person who always needs someone to shower love, affection, care & attention on. This need not be romantic love. In this situation I cannot expect these emotions to be reciprocated and I don't. But its disheartening when these same people portray that you are equally important to them, when infact they are lying.

The quote on FB or sms - "Dont make someone a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs" - is so true. I should start following this as a mantra for my life. Women are emotional fools and men are very clever because they keep all emotions at bay. They care, but not as much. They will seek you only when they need you - for whatever reasons. But beware, if you point this out to them, they are arrogant enough to outright deny it and egoistic enough to say that you have unreasonable behaviour.

After encountering many such people in life, it is easy to feel broken, feel used and played with. It is ridiculously easy to exploit the emotions of the one who loves you. Is it fair that you never walk that extra mile for the one who loves you, but you do it in a jiffy for someone else. Is it fair that you turn down every request make by saying that you'll do it only when you wish to, but do the same thing when someone else asks you to.



Is it fair on the one who has cared for you. Is it fair to defend a behaviour by calling it just & the other person unreasonable & demanding. Wouldnt this actually leave the person shattered, destroyed, broken & scared to love or care again. Maybe all this does happen, but women being emotional fools, tread on this path again. Maybe in search of someone who will heal them and complete them.


Till then we can only wish that the ones who have hurt us realise what they have lost and have courage to deal with it!

- Mayura (9/10/11)

Akanksha_Come Alive 2011


It not everyday that you get to do something which truly touches your heart and soul. Something which gives you such immense satisfaction that it is hard to put it in words. I had one such experience last Sunday at the Akanksha - Come Alive event. You can read more about the event here.

I was part of the Bachha Party Group, where we went to the Pediatric Dept of Wadia Hospital, Parel. Some of the kids took a little time to come out of there comfort zone and talk and play with complete strangers, but it was fun later on.

We played with the elder lot in the corridors, got them colouring books, jigsaw puzzles and soft toys to play with. It was good to even interact with the parents and share a little of their problem.

I cannot describe how hard it is to see a 3 month old child recovering from Kidney surgery. Most of the kids are unaware of the severity of the ailment they are suffering from and rejoice in the smiles brought by these strangers. Our problems, our stress about which we are constantly cribbing seem so insignificant compared to what they are going through at this tender age.

We met kids with Blood Cancer, Burns, Kidney Ailments, Fractures but one thing was common in all of them. Smile. It is such a small thing, but it has a deep impact. It breaks through any hesitation and simply bonds.

Helping us with this event was an Akanksha Alumni - Sumeet Gade who is one of the founder members of Pragati.
Such good work these guys are doing, I instantly wanted to do this more often. Atleast once every month. I dont think there is anyone who is so busy that he cant spare 3 hours in a month to visit such a place and see a face light up with joy!

Do it once...am sure you will Come Alive with joy!

Uncertainty



I watch Grey's Anatomy everyday on Zee Cafe. Mainly because it deals with medicine, surgery, patients, hospital and doctors. I like that field and wonder many times if I actually should have tried to get into medicine.

Anyway, today's episode showed a guy with a 9 year old son. This guy came to the hospital because of chest pain which he wanted to pass off as heart burn. He wanted to get home to his son - the son who wanted to go for a football game. Since the doctor insisted he got an X-ray, which led to another scan and finally a CT Scan. He got serious (coded in medical terminology) during the scan & was taken for emergency surgery. Before the doctor's could do much, his aorta burst and he bled to death, right there on the Operation Table. He died - just like that - within 25 mins of being admitted for mild chest pain! The helplessness that the surgeons felt right there is something I would never want to experience in my life. (Ellen Pompeo as Meredith Grey is brilliant)

I know what I was watching was fiction, but these things happen frequently. We read about some of them but they never happen to us. There is a family waiting back home, totally unaware of where and how you are. What would happen to the son who was just told by his daddy that he'd come to pick him up for the football game and then to be told that his daddy is never coming back again! As I saw these scenes unfold on the television, I sat there stunned, almost on the verge of crying. Maybe because I felt bad for the son, for the guy, for the doctor who tried so hard & who dint want to give up.

I realised how much we take life for granted. Even in a city like Bombay, where terror attacks are so common, we just live. We never stop and think that each day of life is a gift. We should do that, if not daily, at least often enough to remind ourselves of how important this life is.

In the end...God Bless all the doctors...selfless ones...the medical profession! :)

- 19 Aug 2011

Self Belief



How does one handle something - anything which they experience for the first time? Something like an unexpected windfall of money, losing a loved one, being fired etc. Experiences - good or bad - which happen for the first time in our lives, bring in a lot of emotions, traits, reactions & behavior out of us. They can take us by surprise because we never know what is inside us. However, when dealing with such things, more often than not, what we do is take advice. Advice from those close to us or even off the internet. We seek 'tips' on what needs to be done or what is the 'right' way of dealing with these things.

Here, what we fail to realise is that there is no fixed protocol on what & how things need to be done. All of us are different and what works for the world may not necessarily work for us. We can refer to these things as guidelines but we don't need to do exactly how & what it states. What happens when the 'advice' doesn't work for you? What if you wish to do exactly the opposite of what is being expected of you? I say, you go ahead & do it anyway. You know yourself the best. No one but you can decide what works well for you.

In the end what matters is how you have come out of the 'experience'. The person you become, the lessons you learn, the self discovery that happens. Seek guidance, take advice but most importantly trust yourself, have faith!

- 1 Sep 2011